He knows when you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been eating edibles while you're on Christmas break. If you fail your drug test after returning from the holidays, you're getting a dishonorable discharge from the United States Air Force, a new video says.
A holiday message video from the Air National Guard Drug Demand Reduction Program (DDRP) features ol' Santa Claus sitting down with a glass of milk to dig into his naughty and nice list for the airmen of the I.G. Brown Training and Education Center at McGhee Tyson Air National Guard Base, Tennessee.
An airman who saved a dog trapped in a river and gets a new pair of boots for making the nice list. The airman who made NCO of the Year gets on the nice list and receives a new coat. A Security Forces NCO worked hard to make the nice list and got the new Sig Sauer M18 modular handgun system.
Then there's Sgt. Galleon. Santa admonishes the sergeant from the North Pole by putting him on the naughty list, which involves opening his discharge letter in the middle of the squadron holiday party. It seems Sgt. Galleon failed his drug test. Santa then turns to the camera to warn airmen about imbibing too much eggnog or trying the "special brownies" -- it will ruin their career.
The Air National Guard's Drug Demand Reduction Program is an effort to support the wider Department of Defense DDRP through prevention, education, outreach, detection and deterrence. This holiday "message from the North Pole" is clearly aimed at education and outreach.
The Air Force has a zero tolerance policy against illegal drug use and prescription misuse, even in states where some drugs have been legalized. The DDRP policy website also warns airmen that abusing drugs can lead to criminal prosecution, and administrative action, including discharge, even if you have to find out in the middle of the unit's holiday party.
Perhaps in shock, Sgt. Galleon remains at the holiday party as if he wasn't just kicked out of the Air Force. He even looks on with a smile as he watches the unit chief, who just delivered his discharge, receive the keys to an Abrams tank for making Santa's nice list.
Meanwhile, Santa continues to enjoy a "Scarface"-sized pile of cookies (you know what I mean) as he (probably) doles out dishonorable discharges to airmen all over the world. Santa Claus is ruthless, and he's coming to town. The message is clear: Don't pee hot, no matter how cold it is outside.
-- Blake Stilwell can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. He can also be found on Twitter @blakestilwell or on Facebook.
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