Question: I exited the military a year ago and I'm still struggling. I feel like everything that broke about me in the military is preventing me from finding work in the private sector: My confidence is shaky, my disabilities feel more pronounced and I'm worried I'll never feel whole again.
How can I convince an employer to invest in me when I'm lacking confidence?
Answer: I can only imagine the challenge of leaving an environment as familiar as the military and entering the civilian sector with these challenges. I applaud you for reaching out for help. This bold and vulnerable move reflects well on your character, and you should be proud of that.
Your message reminds me of kintsugi -- a Japanese philosophy that promotes that when something is broken and then repaired, it is often more beautiful and stronger than if it had never been broken in the first place.
Kintsugi, or "golden repair," is an art form where a piece of pottery is mended using lacquer mixed with gold powder. The artist leaves the repaired seams visible -- with the gold showing -- so others can see the resulting beauty of the new form, cracks and all.
The new look is bolder, more vulnerable and stronger because of what challenged it and broke it but didn't destroy it.
The kintsugi philosophy also applies to life. It teaches us to embrace our flaws instead of hiding or running from them. It suggests we accept ourselves as we are, still striving to grow and learn, but not discounting all the experiences that have made us who we are, broken pieces and all.
Applying Kintsugi to Military Transition
How does this apply to your transition and the challenges you're facing? Consider these questions:
Are you defining your story and offer (to potential employers) by highlighting your flaws?
If interviewers aren't pointing out your limitations, is the reason you're struggling because of internal narratives (self-talk)?
Is the feedback you're hearing that your disabilities are preventing you from being hired? For example, if you have physical disabilities that would prevent you from physically doing a job, perhaps consider work that is less physical to overcome this restriction.
Or is it your belief that employers won't hire you because of your "brokenness?" Could you be introducing obstacles into the interview conversations where they don't need to be? For instance, are you asking questions about the job that make it sound like you lack commitment and focus? Are you offering input about your abilities that sound limiting?
I once met a soldier who proudly announced, "I always tell interviewers right off the bat that I have PTSD. I know they're all wondering, so I tell them."
In fact, he is managing his condition very well, and his PTSD did not at all affect his ability to do the work he was pursuing. Introducing this felt proactive to him but was not needed in the interview.
What would it look like to embrace your flaws and show yourself as whole?
While it's not practical to paint gold stripes across yourself, you can think about the kintsugi principles and remember that you are the sum of your experiences -- positive and negative. You have served your country, made great sacrifices and overcome challenges.
You've learned, trained, led and grown in ways most people never experience. All of those experiences make you who you are today -- stronger and more beautifully designed than you were before.
Working on your outlook and mindset would be helpful. Most job candidates do not have all the required skills and attributes employers seek. But the ones who have some of those attributes also present themselves with confidence and clarity, show how they can add value and get consideration.
Remember, too, that the military-to-civilian transition is a process. For some, this process can take weeks and, for others, years. Your process is your own and how you overcome adversity, stay true to your core values and goals, and show others your gifts is how you build your positive personal brand -- cracks and all.
The author of "Success After Service: How to Take Control of Your Job Search and Career After Military Duty" (2020) and "Your Next Mission: A personal branding guide for the military-to-civilian transition" (2014), Lida Citroën is a keynote speaker and presenter, executive coach, popular TEDx speaker and instructor of multiple courses on LinkedIn Learning. She regularly presents workshops on personal branding, executive presence, leadership communication and reputation risk management.
A contributing writer for Military.com, Lida is a passionate supporter of the military, volunteering her time to help veterans transition to civilian careers and assist employers who seek to hire military talent. She regularly speaks at conferences, corporate meetings and events focused on military transition.
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